*deep cleansing breath*
These moments, here and now, are the first feelings of relief I've experienced in what feels like an eternity!
I played hookie today. >_< However, I'm pretty sure that I would be crossing over into crazy-world here shortly if I didn't take a moment to reflect and realign. So, guilt, you can just kick rocks! ^_^
I started the morning like most others recently: Woke up with a delicious chai latte and chatted on the patio for a bit with my two favorite boys. [I gotta say that I'm loving this desert-like climate Louisiana's been having recently. The cool damp mornings are just wonderful!] Anyway, I had a million and one things to do today so out the door I went!
My eyes spent most of the morning perusing the shelves at the library while my ears basked in the white noise which, to me, is one of the most comforting things about libraries. I've been in dire need of some solitude recently. Not that I don't love spending time with my husband and friends, I'm just not one of those people who can keep a cool head amongst constant activity. I have to take a minute to breathe.
Sadly, I had to put back so many books that I am dying to devour, but just don't have the time to read. However, I did find the treasure I was looking for, but have had to employ some serious willpower all day to keep myself from just saying "screw it!" to all my other to-do's.
I watched the movie several months ago and was so affected that I knew I had to read the original story. I'm only about 15 pages in, but it's just wonderful. I am very pleased. ^_^
***
The last few weeks have been just a whirlwind of fluctuating emotions concerning just about every aspect of my life up to this point. [Hence the lack of updates ^_-]
According to Astrology, since Jupiter takes twelve years to orbit the Sun [and travel through the twelve signs of the Zodiac] it, therefore, takes a year to pass through one sign. "In all matters relating to Jupiter, a critical point of development occurs every twelve years when it returns to the sign in which it was at the time of your birth. In effect, this marks the beginning of a new cycle of growth and understanding." - The Watkins Astrology Handbook
I find it a little too coincidental that my 24th birthday is in less than a week and, recently, is when things have become the most taxing. I've known for a while now that my time was near. All these years, all these thoughts, doubts, etc... all come down to what I do with my life at these very moments. I have many choices to make. All of which I hope will turn out to be the right choice, but at the moment, I'm still having trouble letting go of the notion that what I've imagined, up to this point, my life being, may not ultimately be what ends up happening.
I feel like I am being swept with the current; I am letting the undertow take me and that's not what I want. I am so resistant to the change I know needs to happen simply because it didn't happen the way I wanted it to. I am seeing now that I don't have a choice.
*sighs*
I have some major decisions to make.
Last week, I attended a "field trip" to an engineering firm called ENVIRO-TECH. What they do is provide repair and refurbishment of skimmers and other gravity separation equipment in both the offshore and industrial sectors. What the equipment essentially does is separate the oil being drilled, from the water that comes along with it.
Interesting, right?
Uh... Yeah. Didn't think so. It's sounds soul deadening to me too.
This field trip was meant to "inspire" us; get us excited about our upcoming careers into The Industry. What the fuck ever! This trip did nothing for me except answer the question I've been asking myself. Which is: Sarah, what the FUCK are you doing even standing in the doorway of this industry, let alone stepping a foot in?!
Last week, while walking the design section at the library, searching for some inspiration to make me feel better about the whole situation, I chanced upon this bad boy:
"e² is a critically acclaimed, multi-part PBS series about the innovators and pioneers who envision a better quality of life on earth: socially, culturally, economically and ecologically.
The series explores attainable solutions to pressing environmental and social challenges, and its stories are culled from a variety of fields including design, energy, transport, water, food and urban development."
This series was such an inspiration to me! I am so thankful that I found it because it really helped restore faith in myself, I guess you could say. I'd been wondering for a while if architecture was the right direction for me, but after seeing this, I am much more confident that I will be able to, not merely talk about an idealistic view of how the world should be, but actually be an innovative and integral part of these efforts to improve the quality of life on this planet for everyone!
***
Yet, still I feel like this piping thing is doing nothing for me...
However, the money was supposed to be worth it.
At least, that's what I've had to tell myself these last 2 years to actually get my ass on the interstate and make that 192mile trip to campus 5 days a week. However, its not so clear now as to whether or not its going to be worth it. Two reasons to follow:
1) The economy is horrible! There is no telling when I'll actually get a job out of this. If something doesn't happen soon, I'll have to go back to work doing some mundane, worthless job that doesn't pay much of anything compared to the job that I've invested all this time and money in. I don't want to have to take that step backwards...
2) I [think] I am getting royally screwed at school. Why? Because unlike most other students in the class who qualify for the Pell grant, I pay my own tuition and the damn school doesn't have enough computers for all the students enrolled in CAD this semester. So! I volunteered to bring MY OWN laptop everyday so it would free up another computer for one of the students coming in this semester. Well, that tidbit of generosity has been shot to shit because, unbeknownst to me at the time I purchased the the computer, it really can't handle the amount of 3D processing and rendering that is needed to efficiently draw this platform. I didn't realize it earlier because I've been building this platform for months, I'm only about halfway through, but its become a lot larger recently, and my machine is causing such glitches in the rendering that is has severely slowed my progress.
So it pretty much sucks that even though I am a paying student I was unable to get a computer provided by the school.
Well, until now...
Last Wednesday, [the day of the field trip] my apartment was broken into and my laptop was stolen!
Thankfully, I have renter's insurance, so it's all covered financially. However, I've been naughty and hadn't backed up my files since Christmas. >_< Needless to say, I lost a good deal. I'm most distressed about my photos. Everything from my new camera is gone, never to be seen again. *sighs*
Thankfully though, Ms. Joni was able to order more computers due to the circumstances. *rolls eyes*
Alright! Now that I've thoroughly exhausted myself [apologies for the length to any of you who actually read the whole entry! ^_^] I am going to curl up in bed with my new book.
Goodnight!!
♥
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sdiz_xx's journal
happy
stressed
contemplative
gloomy
listless
scared
crappy
grumpy
energetic
sick
hungry
amused
hopeful